As I rifled with increasing frenzy through the packets of asparagus tips in Sainsburys muttering “too fat, too fat” and drawing odd looks from nearby strangers, I was not being snobbish (although asparagus strikes me as a hoity toity vegetable). I may be provoking a deluge of angry hate mail from fattist vegetables here, but to my mind the simple fact of the matter is this:
Skinny asparagus tastes better than fat asparagus.
As I stalked wrathfully round the rest of the supermarket, fat asparagus nestled (hmm, skinny asparagus would nestle…..) lounging in my trolley, I was diverted from my inner diatribe against Sainsburys by an idle wonder as to whether asparagus logic extended to other vegetables. Perhaps I should henceforth select only skinny carrots? Perhaps asparagus logic extends to other species?
On this basis I have deduced that I am at no immediate danger from cannibals, who will doubtless make a beeline for more svelte forms than mine. I have further concluded that I should abandon the diet I was contemplating, lest I render myself vulnerable to attack from cannibals.
Thanks Sainsburys! Now be a love and put Giant Chocolate Buttons on special offer? My safety depends upon it!