5. Hair Dye
I have a confession. I’m a natural blonde. “You lucky swine!”, I hear many of you cry. The luck endeth there however, since I also have naturally dark eyebrows, with the ironic and amusing result that my natural colour looks profoundly unnatural. Around 10 years ago I had a “To hell with it, I’m going dark!” epiphany, and have been dying it ever since. A female hairdresser I once attended was utterly scandalised when she peered intently at my roots and realised I was not covering greys, but covering blondes. Even permanent dyes fade with time however, and every so often I decide my hair is not dark enough, and scuttle off to re-dye it, after which I gaze in the mirror, heave a sigh of relief and remark “I look like me again”. Ah, the irony!
4. Contact Lenses
In yet another irony, I find wearing spectacles to work (I’m an Optometrist) a royal frigging pain in the arse. I have numerous instruments which must be held close to my eye, which rattle against my specs like hyperactive Morse code. I also find the slit-lamp eye pieces leave hoofing great round imprints on my spec lenses. It’s not a good look.
3. Lecky Blankie
According to my Dr I have Raynaud’s Syndrome (a kind of vascular spasm which results in freezing cold extremities); according to everyone else I’m a soft Southern wuss. I am *always* cold, and in winter frequently get in bed even in the afternoon because I’m just too frigging cold to stay out any longer. My dearly beloved electric blanket gets used year round.
It pains me that my iPhone comes this high on my list. I denied myself an iPhone for months, convinced it wasn’t worth the expense when I barely use a phone. Eventually I employed the justification of “Sod it. I want one!” (an excellent philosophy, I might add, and one which I have utilised on many occasions since). I exploded my first iPhone (I have destructive talents even James Bond can only dream of), and am ashamed to confess that I was reduced to tears of frustrated rage at the prospect of a few iPhone-less days whilst it was replaced.
1. Giant Chocolate Buttons.
The gold at the end of the rainbow. Such is my addiction to these gorgeous little beasts that if anyone ever wants a favour, they approach with a bag of Giant Chocolate Buttons in plain sight, knowing full well that I’ll be putty in their hands.