As a self-confessed compulsive list maker, the second I read of Kate’s Listography Meme, I simply had to take part! This week’s category is bad combinations (such as wind/hair/lipgloss, or brushed teeth/orange juice), which is particularly perfect, since not only am I a list fiend, I am also gifted in the bad-combo department.
5. Corset/sneezing fit
Corsets, depending on the level of sadism of your lacer, can be uncomfortable things at the best of times. Wearing a waist-cinching device and then being struck down by a sudden severe cold partway through the evening was torturous.
4. White-trousered stranger/my over-friendly muddy dog
This happens with mortifying regularity. Next time (for I live in no doubt that there will be a next time) I intend to look all round with a bewildered and disapproving expression and remark “I don’t know where his owner is”.
3. Sexy French Physio/unexpected need to remove trousers/thong
Mortifying enough even before adding “/humungous ass” into the mix. Needless to say I raced straight to the nearest shopping centre and purchased some pants of a vastness with which even Bridget Jones’ cannot compete. “Legs hairier than a tarantula’s/different yet also attractive physio asking to see my knees after two years of not needing to see them” was mildly less humiliating.
2. Staggering out of a nightclub drunk as a skunk/unexpectedly encountering my (sober) boss
The amusing and ironic part of this unhappy incident being that as I swayed outside said nightclub, trying to figure out where in the hell I was (in my defense, I’d not been to that particular nightclub before. And I’d been drinking cocktails. Lots of them. Lots and lots of them.), I heard my phone ringing. I closed one eye to peer blearily at the screen, saw that it was my boss, and actually had the wherewithall to think “Oh HELL no, I’m waaaaay too drunk to talk to her!!!”, and let it go to voicemail. Crisis averted! Except that 5 seconds later a car drew up next to me, the window slid down, and I heard her say “Can we give you a lift home Jay?”. To this day I do not know *what* we discussed on the way home, but have a worried certainty that it was highly inappropriate conversational material.
1. Low embarrassment threshold/my dog cocking his leg against the jean-clad leg of the puppy trainer
Probably my second most embarrassing moment. Yes, that’s right. Only the second.