I was tagged for this meme by my lovely friend Stacey at It takes a Woman some time ago, and I’ve been procrastinating because there is one word that never fails to bring me out in hives and nervous sweat: Karaoke.
I have a deep-seated yet rational fear of Karaoke stemming from a phobia of anyone hearing me sing, largely due to the fact that when I do sing it sounds like a litter of cats drowning in a bucket of water which is being swung repeatedly against a lamp post.
Despite this distressing affliction, I have wailed along to karaoke twice in my life. On the first occasion during my uni days a friend invited several of us out for “a quiet drink”. As is often the way with these things, the quiet drink escalated into a night out of quite epic proportions, namely a pub crawl, singing “Like a Virgin” karaoke to a pub full of gentlemen all old enough to be our grandfathers, followed by clubbing at a 70s night.
On the second occasion 3 friends and I were holidaying in Cornwall and decided (I can only assume whilst under the influence of copious Archers and Lemonade) that we would both attend and take part in the site’s Karaoke evening, an event we took so seriously that I distinctly recall us practising in advance. Following consumption of a sizeable quantity of Dutch Courage that evening, we sallied forth and performed a rendition of the Spice Girls’ Stop complete with dance moves. Oh yes, I said dance moves *shudder*. Oddly enough, the Karaoke DJ failed to call us back up for any of the other songs we had entered.
For her wedding this autumn, the lovely Stacey (having dulcet tones and therefore not hampered by any drowning-cat-related phobias) is having a karaoke DJ at the reception, and has prevailed upon us all to select a song. I can’t bring myself to refuse a beautiful bride, so I shall duly purchase a hipflask that can accommodate several litres of alcohol, and rope in my former band members to reprise our previous show stopping performance. I can only apologise fervently to all wedding guests, and any dogs within a 10 mile radius.